Haha. Ok too much information I know...
But it's a month late?
Why now?
Why now?
I want it gone, mann. Gone, gone, gone!
I don't want kids, I don't need to bleed a few days every months. No, no.
Why would anyone trust someone who can bleed for 4 or 5 days straight and not die?
Ha. Yeah I read that somewhere and it made me chuckle.
Anyways, I was so pissed off. It must be why i've been craving hot chocolate, surely.
Now I know why, I can change my waysss :D
Anyway, today was alrightt (technically yesterday as it's 1.30am on Saturday and i'm referring to Friday but hey-ho)
College was over and done with by 11ish - technically, half 11, but me and Emma left early to go to Costa :P
I had been to see my art tutor about my project, and he said it's very impactful, and my best work yet :)...it's on suicide and depression. Ha. I think I can make it really good...because I've got almost full on first hand experience - except the suicide things were only ever thoughts, obviously.
I'm too squeamish to try :/ and i'm glad, i've so much to live for it's stupid.
When you have a best mate, with no choice over living or dying, it makes you really think. I have the option to live, why take that away when Emma would kill to have the decision not to die?
I live for her now.
No one else.
I told her, when i'm a famous fashion designer (that's the dream anyway), I will dedicate a collection to her, and donate all the money to a heart charity of her choice, one that researches what is killing her.
It made her cry when I said that :/
Bless her little cotton socks.
We went to Costa, I let her choose what we had, when it comes to Emma, the last few weeks are so important, she comes before anything, including calories and weight loss. So we had the chocolate Frescato, with whipped cream.
And yes, it was delicious, and totally worth it.
Anyway, was nice to chat as usual before she got her bus and went to work. I walked home, and had to tidy my room, removing anything in my brothers room, back to mine, as he returned from uni today. I started shifting things to make room, only to realise, my Mum had already moved everything except a dress, and a tutu, back into my room.
However, I decided, since my room had been re-decorated a while a go, it's about time I knuckled down and actually unpacked things. So I spent 2 hours, in this sweltering hot weather, shifting boxes, throwing out things, sorting out clothes, putting a railing in my new cupboard, hanging up dresses etcetc. I was sweating from tidying - awesome way to get the heart rate up :)
At 3pm I had to walk and collect my neighbour from school. Yet again, I was sweating :/ this weather is so humid, it's ridiculous! I love heat, but without humidity! I babysat till 5pm instead of 6, and still got £10 :)
Emma texted, our weekend away is postponed to next weekend,
I tidied some more as I had free time.
Was asked if I wanted anything from the chippy, er...no.
Then had to sit, while they ate infront of me.
Omg my mum smacks her lips and crunches, and ewewew. I wanted to leave...but wasn't allowed :(...my brother wanted me to eat chips, but I avoided it :)
I'd eaten some soup in the morning, and then sorta cheated with icecream while babysitting :/ so no way was I eating chips!
I had two hot chocs this evening too! Damn fucking perioddd :( Grrr!!
Really not lost anything :(
Anyway, I am changing back to my old plan.
The one that worked.
With an hour exercise in the morning, then an apple/strawberries,
Then an hour exercise in the evening, then an apple/strawberries, and Quorn for protein.
And only cranberry Juice to drink,
I actually lost weight when I was doing this, it was slow but steady, and I actually was flunking on the exercise side of things, so if i'm more motivated, strict and persistent, i'm sure I can lose a fair bit :))
Because fasting on hot chocolate won't get me anywhere :P
Anyways, this insomnia is a bitch, but i'm not going to spend ages typing away about nonsense. I'm glad I have more followers though :))
And I am also glad to have a plan.
OHH and i'm real pleased I managed to update this today :) as the last few posts have all ended up days apart, and it's ridiculous at times!
Catching up on 7 days in one post, just isn't the same as a post dedicated to each day!
Anyway, I feel bloated and annoyed now, but now that I think about it...I did feel shit on a cruise at the beginning of the week, and said to myself 'dear god this feels like period pains', yet convinced myself it wasn't true....
Well, I was wrong :P haha.
Can't wait to lose it for good. Bring on 90lbs, or less! (84lbs = lush!)
Only a few weeks till Florida, need to be SKINNY!!
Stay strong :)
And don't be scared to break a current plan if it isn't working for you!
I know that sticking to the 25day fast just won't work for me right now.
And am not afraid to go to something I trust.
You aren't failing, you are just working with your body to achieve the best results!
Believe in yourself :)
xox
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