First post ever...

I've never done anything like this before, but after recent thought, I really decided I liked the idea of it...
Somewhere I can post what ever is on my mind, and perhaps, be interesting enough to gain a few followers - just one would make me happy : )
My life is a whirlwind of drama (which to some may be nothing compared with their lives, but for me, living what I live, it can be extremely emotional and depressing)
I have stress induced depression, and anorexia, although due to my height/weight, am seen as EDNOS... i've never been officially diagnosed however, I don't want a doctor labelling me, and I don't want to be forced to recover.
I am who am, because I want to be this way. To recover, I have to want to...and I don't...
I take Art Btec, and am in my first year of college, art is my passion, fashion is my life. I wish to be a fashion designer, and can't wait to go to uni and really start to build my dream...
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Anyway I sound as though i'm writing and About Me section... which I needn't do, through reading my blogs you will learn more about me, so that will come with time, rather then me blab on about things now.
More to the point of why I have this blog, is I need a place to scribble thoughts on my Ana life, more then anything, although interests will crop up time to time.
It'll be almost like a food journal, but more then that...
I'm currently on a 10 day fast, 3rd day in.
I have consumed 2 cans of diet coke, and a glass of fruit cocktail juice today,
I take daily vitamin and iron tablets,
And have done an hour of walking today.
Not my best level of exercise, but i'm pretty tired.

My parents are on to me though, i've not had dinner, or eaten around them in 4 days (I started the fast 4 days ago, but had hot chocolate, and felt like I failed, so restarted the fast, I didn't eat that day though)
And tonight, i'm being forced to have dinner.
I can't have it in my room.
And I may have to eat it infront of them, meaning no trick of throwing it, or putting it in my pocket, as they would notice for sure.
I don't really know what to do.
I decided (when this nearly happened yesterday) that I would simply carry on the fast, and ignore the little 'hiccup' I had...
But it makes me feel like a failure, and I never quite know what to do...
If I restart, and this happens again, I will end up in a fasting cycle - and when it's 10 days long, it is hard to complete without a hiccup.
And I never intended to be constantly fasting until I can complete 10 days.
After the 10 days I shall follow a meal plan, one which will have fruit, vegetables and salad, with protein 3 times a week, this should hopefully keep the weight off, as it's mostly negative calories, while still making sure i'm getting everything I need (will keep taking vit. and iron tablets etc)
I am also going to invest in calcium tablets.
While losing weight, I really don't want to lose any nutrients etc.

I'm around 108-109lbs atm, and am aiming for 98lbs, by the 28th May, a lot to lose I know, hence the fast, and what will be serious restricting after...
Although, I doubt it's enough, and will most likely carry on a fake fast. And simply eat when parents really force me too. And just not eat otherwise, so not quite a fast, but not eating normally.
I'm also going to up the exercise, the past few days i've done atleast 2 1/2 hours walking, so I really slacked today...
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I can quickly update (as mum just came in)
That I might have to try to eat some soup...
I used an excuse of worrying about a friend (I don't want to say why, or what's wrong...), as to why i'm not up to eating, and she accepted that,
But said I should try to eat...
And after her not going away, I said I might try soup.
Ok it's not broth.
But it could be worse, it could be solids, like pasta, or last nights avoided dinner - salad and pizza. Or a microwavable meal, or something.
So soup, i'm ok with, I can accept, and carry on. Without feeling too guilty.
I mean, i'll still feel guilty.
But it won't be so bad...

I'm going to stop rambling now : )
And post again tomorrow,
or maybe later,
there are so many things going through my head,
I may just want to write them down ;)
Thank goodness I have this blog now <3

Stay strong everyone,
And take care
xx