It's a good day

Morning :)

Well...ok, afternoon, seeing as it's 12:28pm, but i've not been awake long, so it still feels appropriate to greet 'good morning' to anyone I see, (in my family, I don't greet random strangers...they freak me out).

Last night, I mentioned how I was resisting the urge to binge - urge = resisted :D. I am so happy about that! Didn't even wake up this morning thinking about food or anything (as sometimes those urges can last till morning >_<), and I was so happy :).

After Lola left, I had to put all the sleeping stuff (sleeping bags, duvet, pillows etc) away, and as we slept in the living room, that meant several trips up and down the stairs (yay extra exercise xD), but after the 2nd or 3rd trip, I was KNACKERED! Completely out of breathe...my brother turned round to me on the landing, and said...

Brother:'it's not surprising you're worn out really'

Me:'why?'

Brother:'Because you're not eating.'

Me:'Yes I am!!'

Brother:'ok, when was the last time you had a large meal?'

*I HATE spontaneous questions like these, but boy am I getting good at thinking on my feet now!*

Me:'last night, while out'

Brother:'what did you have?'

Me:'Pizza *grins wildly to emphasise some kind of excitement over food* ...Dominoes to be exact, thank you very much.'

Brother:'good, well...keep it up'

Me:'I will'

Hahahahaahahaha, GULLABLE family or what :D

As if i'd eat that... 400calories or more per slice... erm, no thanks. Not unless one slice was all I had for an entire day. And that's hardly worth it when you can eat a tonne of fruit, veg and salad for half the total of calories!

Emma is having her operation in two weeks, she changed her mind again. I'm quite glad actually, I have two more weeks to spend a TONNE of time with her, just in case the operation doesn't go to plan...BUT i'm not thinking that way. I'm staying positive, i'm staying strong. I have to do that everyday anyway, so I don't see how I can't be strong in other situations. Anyway, she isn't having it this morning - though i'll tell my parents that news later, as for now, I can use worrying about it as an excuse to miss breakfast and lunch, dinner could be an issue. But there is always the soup option which I can let myself have, after all if I make allowances for alcohol, i'm sure I can make an allowance for a bowl of soup which will stop my parents getting SERIOUSLY worried. Out of all the different soups in the cupboard, the most calories I would be forced to have, is 250. That is about 2 glasses of fruit juice, so I think i'll be ok. Metabolism boosted if anything. BUT that is only if worst comes to worst. They may not be so worried if they think I had Dominoes last night too. Tonight is a Sunday though - that's the real issue, my brother returns to Uni, so family meals are almost a must. But I can easily dodge it, or say i'm not hungry, or say I'll try some soup. I'll see how important the family meal is tonight, and see if I have to resort to that or not...

My new dress I mentioned yesterday, is quite nice! It has a zip down the front though, which whenever I have seen dresses like that i've always stated how it's a stupid idea, and anyone could obviously unzip it. But apart from that, it's a good looking dress, and I hate letting my mum down and being all, 'I don't really like it' because I do. I'm just consicious of the zip being undone - especially at a party when everyone is drunk xD hah. It is the sort of dress I could wear to college though.

It's a size 10. I'm pretty sure i'm a definate size 8 now, I mean, i've fitted into size 6 before. So it may be a bit baggy, but mum said the lady at the shop was talking about how the dresses are smaller then the the usual sizes which are labelled the same (for example their size 10 could be a normal size 8)... and mum said, 'we looked at a size 12, but it seemed a little big, and there was no size 8' ...

I was so shocked. They actually contemplated a size 12. A SIZE 12! What. The. Fuck. I must be such a whale in that case. There mum is, worrying about me not eating, and 'wasting away', and she is rude enough to looke at a fucking size 12. I'm sorry but that is offensive. Even with the sizes be slightly odd. I'm never a size 12, never have been, never EVER will be. Even if the sizes were crazy and a size 12 fitted perfectly, I wouldn't wear it. Who could walk around knowing they were in a size 12. I know I couldn't :( and no offense to anyone who does >_<. I've just realised how horrible i'm sounding, and I don't mean to offend anyone at all. It's just that for me, i've never liked the idea of more then a size 10, and i've never let myself get bigger (thank you Ana!).... and well, just got a bit touchy with that subject... sorry, there are beautiful size 12, and even bigger sized women out there, I just wouldn't be one of them!

Which means i'm determined to lose more, and fit into a size 8 of 'NEW Fashion' 's clothing! And i bloody well hope that size 10 is too big. Or atleast not crazily fitting, so I can turn round and say 'I can't believe you thought of a size 12, when this size is so big.'

I'll show her.

Well rant over for now...

It's day 6 of fast, and I know the next few days are going to be the toughest - not hunger wise, as I hardly get hunger pains, my stomach adjusted to not eating during the 7 day fast, and although near the end of that, it was painful to move etc. I'm actually fine at the moment! And if i hadn't restarted the fast because i'd had hot chocolate, i'd be on day 7! It's great, though I do feel a little ill, and light headed every time I get up, I worry I will faint as well, but I haven't as of yet...maybe I will by day 10, but I will try not to, I've never fainted before, and I don't want to do it during a fast - my parents are suspicious enough, add fainting into the equation and i'll be carted off to the doctors....

I will stay strong! Although, i'm getting bored of the whole fasting thing, drinking the same old liquids etc. I actually want to eat - kick start my metabolism, and have somethine decent in my mouth to chew, that isn't gum.

But i'm sticking to it. If anything, i'll finish on day 7. But I would like to complete 10days, however those extra 3 days were punishment for bingeing - it was originally going to be 7 days anyway.

Need some feedback, might post on PT asking as well, just to see who thinks it's a good/bad idea to end the fast on 7 days, after all, it will prevent my parents getting more suspicious.

OR another idea, start introducing soup for the next five days. So 5 days fast, 5 days liquid fast including soups... that would be a good idea, and keep the parents off me... ALTHOUGH I have done a soup fast before, and my god they noticed! They did not like that I wasn't having solids...but it's better then nothing right?

I'll think about it, and get back to you on my decision, feels like i'm wimping out though, so i'll probably carry on, i'm on day 6, so not long to go anyway. It's just to my parents, it will of seemed like two weeks, as it is during the week it happens, so they will get worried and think, OMG she hasn't eaten for TWO WEEKS! When it's actually 4 days short of two weeks lol.

I hate how caring parents are.

On a higher note, last night at around 12.45am, I weighed in at 7st8lbs. On the old style scales (not digital) wearing a thin jumper and t shirt, and pajama bottoms, thats atleast a 1lb of clothing right? Which means 7st7lbs, which is 105lbs :O. That's like, my lowest weight! Or maybe even, lower then my lowest weight!

YES :D !!!

I'm so proud, I will weigh again tomorrow morning, and get a good, proper weigh in on the digital, and old scales, then I will tell you my weight for sure :) as I could have been dreaming, or it could have been loss of water weight thanks to alcohol dehydrating me...

Ha that alcohol can't have been good for the UTI.

Bleugh. I've drank a lot of cranberry juice already xD

I really hope it works!!

Anyway this was supposed to be a quick post...I failed at that xD, always do, I write too much!

Stay strong!

xox