Happy Happy Happy!

7stone 7lbs = 105lbs.

I'm.

105.

lbs.

Fuck. YES!

I can't believe it,

My BMI is 18.6

104lbs, will take my BMI to 18.42

ONE MORE POUND

AND MY BMI IS UNDERWEIGHT!

My goal weight, 98lbs, takes my BMI to 17.36

A BMI of 18.5 and under, is underweight,

A BMI of 17.5 and under, is Anorexic.

I'm 7lbs away from a doctor diagnosing me as anorexic.

Not EDNOS.

I hate that EDNOS label.

Just because I have periods, and am not techinically low enough in weight,

I can't possibly be Anorexic.

Not that i've been diagnosed.

I did that myself,

Like most others on PT, we refuse to go near the doctors,

And instead realise our symptoms through research,

And hearing what other people have to say,

And have slowly come to the realisation,

We are no different,

Our once happy lives, of simple dieting,

Has spiralled out of control,

Yet we are happy,

As long as the scales say less each day.

I'm lighter then the recovered Anorexic, who normally averages 110lbs,

The other day she said she was 8stone - 112lbs

And today, she said she felt fat, because she'd put on another lb - 113lbs.

It's funny how I remember these things xD

I feel great being under her weight, and i'm happy she has recovered.

A boy in our class, has the fastest metabolism ever known to man, I swear.

He eats whole packets of biscuits, cheese and ham sandwiches wtih extra thick white bread, 4 or 5 chocolate bars, crisps, and whatever else is in his lunchbox. JUST FOR LUNCH.

He is taller then me by a little bit - i'd say, 5ft6? And weighs 7 stone4lbs.

HE WEIGHS 102lbs!

He is skinnier then me :(

I want his metabolism,

So I could eat all day, leave Ana behind, and be naturally ultra skinny.

That would be heaven.

But one day, his metabolism will slow down, and then he'll get bigger...

I'd want his CURRENT metabolism FOR LIFE!

But i'm not like that, I have a shit metabolism, which is only good enough to keep me at a 'healthy/normal/average' [FAT] weight, of 112-119lbs. Sometimes 126lbs in winter. Seriously, I do NOT want to have fluctuating weight between 112 and 126lbs. That's a whole fucking stone of weight.

I hated that person. And now, i'm 7lbs under that.

And I will ALWAYS be under that from NOW on.

There is NO going back.

Many of us end up stuck in binge cycles,

I refuse to be one of them.

The effort and risks i've taken to get this far, would be pointless, and I don't want all this progress to go flying out the window because I can't keep my hand of a chocolate bar.

Anyway to make this post interesting, I thought I would use my webcam to photograph some of my things in my thinspo book,

They're a bit rubbish, but I like them :)

I drew the first one on the way to Spain the other month, my mind was thinking about whether I wanted to look cute, adorable and fragile, or if I wanted to be some cute chubby kid, I'm not sure why I drew babies to represent that... But one is eating sweets, hotcross buns, pringles etc. And the other is eating and apple and banana, and the little one looks cuter. Proving the point skinny is better. This drawing isn't great, to all of 10minutes lol. I do have better art work xD my thinspo book just doesn't contain them xD

One day i'll post some really good art that i've actually put effort into drawing :P

The second is just a random phrase I came up with, and I really like the meaning of it :)

The third one; on the left is a small out line of someone vanishing into thin air *poof*, this image I drew because I felt like disappearing, but as the Answer says, there is no such thing as magic. My solution was to Fade away instead. I can never be invisible, but I can be small enough to feel it. I drew this when thinking of ways to just evaporate after my ex left me. He ignored me and I felt like he had discarded me - and wanted me out of his life, wanted me to fade - so I decided I would. I had been on the ABC diet while with him, and he'd noticed me getting thinner, I also started to feel more comfortable, and (theres a post about this on PT) love makes you fat. I started to eat more, to please him so he wasn't worrying, and because he said he prefered girls who weren't stupidly thin (although is exex is insanely skinny - lucky Bitch) so I felt better...ate a bit more, ended up bingeing, then on a binge/restrict cycle. And now I almost slipped into a binge/fast cycle, except this time round, no bingeing.

Anyway, I shall stop writing for now,

Stay strong

xox