I promise...

This won't become a new trend,

Posting, not posting, posting, not posting etc.

I have been very busy recently,

And I shall PRE-WARN you, I have a busy weekend ahead of me,

Just in-case I can't post again for a while.

I'm not slacking on purpose,

I'm just attempting to have a life.

Attempting to be normal,

On the social side of things.

I would hate to ever isolate myself for too long,

I waste away my life as it is,

I'd rather not do it in more ways then one.

Yesterday, I need to catch you up on yesterday.

Well, firstly wednesday night I was told at midnight, I could have 15 more minutes on the internet, mum woke up to find me on it still, at 1:45am, I had been waiting for my ex to reply to 'how are you', after he eventually said 'hello...' to my 'hi...'... but she promptly turned it off.

At around 2:30am I was still awake.

Still thinking,

About my ex.

I texted him;

'You still awake? x'

'Only if I've something to be a awake for'

'Meaning? x'

Then he didn't reply.

I was awake till about 3am, and fell asleep.

Woke up yesterday morning.
NO INTERNET HUB.

My dad, had removed the WHOLE hub, and hidden it.

As punishment for spending too long on it...

They can't afford the bill ya-da ya-da.

Blahblahblah.

I got SO angry.

Practically FUMING.

I looked in my depression book,

Yep, out of control rage etc. is part of it.

Yay for me, and everyone else who has it, aren't we lucky people?

I'd calm down for a few seconds,

Before another 'HOW COULD HE??' thought would anger me again.

Right then, I really could have done with a puncg bag.

Or my dad,

To shout at :)

I actually enjoy arguing xD

But only with my parents, or in drama (in secondary school)

Me and my best mate MJ (no not Michael Jackson...) would have arguments during improvised drama lessons, we'd turn into Chav's (such a stereotype not meaning to offend...) and be bitching about how the other 'like so totally stole my boyfriend!'

Was always hilarious, but we'd get in way too deep,

And be literally SCREAMING at each other xD

Ah the good ol' days.

Anyway,

I decided, I would go to Costa and use their free wi-fi ;)

Headed to town, scouted round some shops for a bit looking for things I needed, found nothing.

Then went to Costa for one ish, and stayed till about 3.

I ordered a Mango&Passionfruit Frescato (basically juice&ice)

I was really cold,

But not quite shivering, and if I'm going to suffer cold (because I know it's good for the metabolism) then i'm going to do it full on shivering. So it was pointless staying there, uncomfortably chilly, but not enough for any effective.

I finished what I was doing, and left.

I'm trying to find a good ED book to read,

And am going to buy one soon.

Wintergirls i've read, and it's FANTASTIC.

A must read, seriously.

And yes, it is about eating disorders...and is truly...amazing.

Anyway I came home, started writing a book randomly,

Then baked a cake.

I baked a cake.

A huge one.

Used up the rest of my Hot chocolate powder (no more temptation at last!)

Added Dark chocolate, and raisins.

My problem was,

I had to taste it to make sure I wasn't poisoning anyone who at it.

And i'm fasting.

Chew and spit method anyone?

A true life saver.

As I pretty much was triggered by the taste of the mixture, and wanted to binge.

The entire binge.

I spat out.

I swallowed nothing.

And didn't ruin my fast :D

Seeing all that food in the bin and bag.

There was so much,

I honestly don't know how I would have fitted that stuff in me in a real binge.

But somehow we manage it?

There was cereal, a tea cake, bread, quorn sausage, kitkats, choco cake mixture (and later on two slices of choco cake - I make damn good cake unfortuneately) basically an entire can of whipped cream, and god knows what else!

Thank good I ate,

None of it.

Anyway after I went up to my room,

Continued with that book,

Which I'm not sure where it's going haha.

It is a very pointless book I must say xD

And was kept busy for ages.

Was moody with my parents whenever they came to see me.

Got a soup broth at one point, then eventually dad put the internet back in :D

Was on it about 20 minutes,

Then along came JB in his car.

So I went out to see him for 45minutes, till about half 11 :)

Internet was off when I returned,

I did my nails, (had done one coat but they needed another)

Scribbled down some art work,

Wrote down things to do for tomorrow,

Had a brief argument with Emma about how much she hates JB.

That's resolved now,

Was stupid,

Pointless,

And resolved.

Then slept.

Today?

Woke up, 8:30am.

Went back to sleep.

Woke up 10:59am.

Got up.

Came on laptop,

And made myself - the only decent liquid in the entire house.

A banana milk.

About (150 calories)

Which is not too bad,

And means I don't go crazy over Calcium Deficiency.

I had hot chocolate on Wednesday, which was fatty.

Banana milk is SO much better.

And I think when fasting.

Milk every other day, is a good thing.

I want some protein,

But chew and spat quorn yesterday, so feels like I had some xD

But next week,

While mum and brother are constantly around, I have a food plan, high in protein, with no bad carbs, that should obviously allow them to see me eat, while keeping my metabolism high, and allowing me to lose weight.

The Plan;

Breakfast;

2 egg whites (28)

1 cinnamoned apple (100)

*I heard that having eggs with an apple, for every meal helps you lose weight, so I though i'd do it for one meal lol, and cinnamon is a metabolism booster, and egg gives me protein.

Lunch/Dinner (if I don't eat it all at lunch, the rest is for dinner);

Jalapena pepper lightly fried, mixed with boiled brocolli and green beans, and 2 quorn sausages (or the equivalent amount in other types of quorn) placed on a bed of spinach leaves.

*quorn = protein, all the other ingredients are proven metabolism boosters, and all negative calorie foods. The Jalapeno pepper should make the dish hot enough that I will only manage half, and have the rest a dinner, making 2 small sized meals.

There is no calcium in the fiet, so I will have a banana milk every other day :) The vitamin B (I think its B) in the banana powder helps aid calcium absorbtion.

I'm quite phsyked about my plan :)

I will add in exercise,

And end all exercise with a shower, that finished on cold for 30seconds :)

Yet another metabolism booster :)

And I will try to drink more water,

But I hate water :(

Anyway, I have a lot to do today;

Buy present and card for S for her party tonight

(by the way I don't know if I mentioned I may go in underwear, but I feel huge, and am now thinking corset and hotpants, with fishnets and heels... about said corset; tried it on, it had been perfectly fitting last december, when I was 126lbs EW. It was too loose last night, I put it on the TIGHTEST setting (its a size 8 corset) and it still has a baggy bit around the tummy :O ... it's tight on the boobs though xD, but proves that I have lost weight, I told Emma, she got worried, woops, I managed to persuade her, the scales haven't changed, and it's simply the sit ups i'm doing that has made my stomach tighter/flatter ;) oh yes, it worked :P)

Cranberry Juice I need to buy

Have to Babysit

Have things to find etc.

Might buy some arty things...

Anyway basically I need to pop to town, and be back by 2pm - I have 2 hours! Argh! lol.

Talk later :)

Stay strong

xox