I'm still alive.

I'm so sorry I haven't posted for two days.

I feel inadequate.

But atleast there is going to be plenty for you to read and catch up on.

It is eventful I promise.

But, however, I shall try keep it short,

No one wants to read my waffle now do they?

Saturday;

Went to town, had to buy pressies for J, I decided on an 18th birthday photo album by Me to You bears, and a matching card :) I also bought her Galaxy chocolate - smooth&cookie crumble, as they are her favourite.

Returned home, and sunbathed, for an hour :)

Before then getting ready for the night,

I wore a black boobtube style dress, patterned black tights, and black ankle boots (5inch heel),

Felt...good,

Looked a bit podgy though,

Why won't that stomach go away?

Can't remember what I ate before the party.

Got to J's,

Emma was there,

Later, A arrived,

But R was no where to be seen.

Emma and I waited for R,

While J's mum took her and A to Frankies (the restaurant)

J's mum's partner and son, waited with Emma and I,

R turned up,

We all went to Frankies,

J's grandparents, and two other friends i'd never met, B and C, were there too.

We sat down and chose a drink (diet coke)

Then our meal.

Emma said 'don't be boring and choose salad'

So I didn't, just for her.

I chose a veggie burger.

It arrived, with chips,

Hm.

I had a chip,

And spent ages wondering how to eat the burger.

I had two small bites,

Then decided, no.

No bun.

Removed it, and concentrated on the actual vegetable burger, as it's mainly veg.

I had a few more chips too,

Ate about 3/4 of the burger, along with the lettuce, onion and gherkins inside the bun.

Then finished, with what looked like most of my meal, still on my plate xD

Didn't have pudding either :)

Then we went bowling, was absolutely hilarious, I wasn't that bad actually :), I came 3rd in the first game ha. And 2nd (almost 1st, but C overtook me by 2 points on her last bowl!) on the 2nd game. We had a little dance we did when we got a spare or a strike, and by the end were laughing, dancing, singing to the music and going CRAZY.

The car journey back to J's was hilarious xD

I was putting on a man voice. It was so deep xD. And joking about all this stuff, ended up shouting at random people going '20p?? 20p?? I'll pay you 20p!' As in insinuating I would pay them 20p for sex >_<. Oh I am too cool ;)

I actually waved crazily at who I thought was a random stranger, only to realise (after doing it) that I had hysterically waved at JB's older brother xD

Back at J's, C & B had gone home, there was J, Emma, Me, R and A. J's grandparents went home, and J's mum stayed at her partners (obviously with his son too lol).

Within 10 mins, S arrived :)

So was just us girlies, we got SO drunk, I remember most of it;

Dancing, laughing, going on the trampoline, running down the stairs, falling down the last few steps and pretending to be passed out xD till Emma found me and gave me back my phone - which she took, and is the reason why I ran down the stairs.

I also remember,

Making out with Emma.

Er, I'm not Bi-sexual, or Lesbian (have NOTHING against them, don't want to offend!), so that was,

Wierd.

But yeah, alcohol does ALOT to you.

I also remember,

Emma passing out in the bathroom,

J said to me 'she's been in there a while hasn't she?'

She had a blackout.

Because of her heart disease.

She almost died.

Took 1/2 hour to wake her up.

Then J ended up depressed and all, it's just you 2 now, not me. (because she realised I knew what was wrong with Emma and she still has no clue)

Emma sorted her out,

While I went crazy, I was going to walk home, grabbed my alcohol, put it in my back, and Emma appeared, she wanted a word.

We ended up talking about things etc.

J was upstairs asleep, S and R fell asleep, A already was asleep in the living room.

Emma and I ended up talking for the whole night.

Meanwhile I was bingeing the whole time,

I got upset,

And I comfort eat if I am drunk.

She knew something else was up - not just the heart issue.

I admitted I could not stop thinking about my ex.

He is on my mind,

Even when i'm with JB.

And it won't go away.

I cried a lot.

De-ja-vu to another party a while back, where I cried for 2 hours over him.

Then at 7am my mum picked me up, I had demanded to go home.

I ate pasta when I got home,

Slept till 10am, got up, went back to bed.

Finished off the pasta.

The sunday (early morning), I had binged on crisps, pasta, chocolate (that I had bought for J, woops) and popcorn.

I felt so huge.

But couldn't stop comfort eating,

I stayed in bed,

Then later sunbathed.

Then went out with JB; went for a drive, then went to a golf course, sat on the grass, and admired the sunset,

Was rather romantic and sweet actually,

We kissed, and had a laugh,

After I had been fairly quiet.

Came home for 10.30pm (although curfew was 10pm :/)

And ate more.

Why the fuck did I do that?

Who knows :(

Today was better though,

I'm upping protein and exercise this week,

Up at 10.30am;

Hoovered (punishment for being late home last night)

Washed up,

Fed rabbits,

Breakfast - 1 wheatabix + milk (131) 2 egg whites (28)

Met up with Emma at 1:30pm, went to get a frescato at costa - they were only doing the indulgent ones today, no fruit ones :O, so we went to Nero's and got one there, they aren't the same though, all watery and...shit.

Went to the park, sat there till 4pm talking, I got sunburnt :(
Went to Sainsbury's, bought Vogue :D and more chocolate for J to replace what I ate :/

Then waited for Emma's bus, which was late - turned up at 4:45pm, not 4:30pm.

Got home, put rabbits in run, got into bikini and sunbathed,

Mum came home, and she put a towel over my sunburn so I tanned everywhere else without worsening it :/

Then I came inside on here, and been on here since!

Sunburn hurts so bad :(

Aftersun is useless!!

Oh and I had lunch - lettuce, tomato, cucumber (30) tai sweet chilli sauce (15) 2 quorn sausages (118)

And after breakfast this morning, I used one of those Ab wheel things you stand on and move left/right on, for half an hour :)

Add in all todays walking, and I haven't done too bad,

Could be better, but i'm exhausted still.

Didn't sleep well last night, kept waking up because i'd (TMI) thrown up in my mouth :(

Disgusting I know, and a sure sign i'd EATEN TOO MUCH.

Well DUH.

Urgh :(

Weighed myself today, with food weight, water weight, and pjs, after breakfast. 107 1/2lbs.

I am only 2 1/2lbs heavier,

I mean, I hate that i'm heavier, but seriously, I was expecting to be 112lbs MINIMUM. Seeing as that is how heavy I feel :(

So in a wierd way, thats a plus.

Anyway, now you are caught up with the times, I'll stop ranting, I said I would keep this short, and really rather failed at that, sorry :P

Stay strong

xox