Well, I was going to have a nap, as you do, because i'm knackered from last night, and fasting EXHAUSTS me so bad. But my laptop ran out of charge, and the 2 seconds where I had to get up, and plug the charger in, and sit back down again, woke me up. So now i'm wide awake!
And thought i'd ramble for a bit, say that last night my Ana voice really found me, and after thinking about it, and getting over the initial scare, i'm glad I have her for real now, she helps me put down calories. Such as alcohol (like last night).
Another thought about last night, one of my friends there, used to be anorexic, she lost her periods etc. and is tiny, and recovering - she really wants boobs! lol, can't blame her, I don't actually want mine to go :/ ... She is so lovely - i'll call her Carol :) ... and well, I am so proud she wants to recover, I think Ana happened for her because her lifestyle just meant she didn't eat alot, and got into that habit, but I didn't know her well enough then, so I can't say for sure... Another one of my friends, who i'll call Charlie, is really tall, like 5ft10 or 5ft11! Model height (lucky bitch!) and is naturally skinny, with a thigh gap. And she eats LOADS. I'm so jealous :(...she was talking about how someone at college had gone up to her and said 'it's ok, I used to be anorexic once, you're beautiful, and it's ok to eat' ... Charlie said she was so annoying a friend of hers locked her in a cupboard xD
I was thinking about the comment though, how some people assume naturally skinny people are anorexics, and yet sometimes turn a blind eye to real Ana's, because they've no clue they even have the disease. I also thought it was disgusting that someone would bring that up - if Charlie had been anorexic, that would have been such a soft topic, especially as her whole class heard the comment. I found it a bit odd too, I feel I will never truly recover, as I don't want to, and I know that nothing could make me want to recover anyway, surely she would know that? Surely she'd know that a simple 'you are beautiful' wouldn't make an anorexic feel better, an 'it's ok to eat' won't actually make her eat... etc. seemed like a very stupid comment to me.
Hahahah my friend was high on weed over the weekend xD - she wasn't with us, doesn't live in our area, she just told me over msn xD... the guy I like does it too haha xD, I am so curious to try it, but you get serious munchies, which i'm scared of. However, if I fought them off, I could lose some good weight :P ... haha just a random thought.
I've just been told I have a flat stomach. Haha. Very funny xD
My stomach growled infront of mum earlier >_<
So i'm sure i'll have to have that soup tonight (250)
Gr. I hate parents sometimes :(
BUT I made it an exception, and am making sure I DON'T feel guilty about it, obviously afterwards i'll feel like a fat cow. But for now, i'm trying to think positive.
I'm so paranoid about my teeth recently, wierd I know. But I get worried that from my awful eating habits, they will rot and drop out. The slightest pain, or bleeding gum (from over brushing) and i'm suddenly positive i'm going to need dentures by this time next week.
Such a horrible thought :(
I wonder if calcium supplements are a good idea?
Anyway, I best be off, i'm talking about allsorts of rubbish now, that I doubt anyone has any interest in... I have had an idea though, I will put all blogs into a Word Document, maybe one day in the future, if I ever recover, these blog entries might make a good book? Who knows xD
Stay strong <3
xox
And thought i'd ramble for a bit, say that last night my Ana voice really found me, and after thinking about it, and getting over the initial scare, i'm glad I have her for real now, she helps me put down calories. Such as alcohol (like last night).
Another thought about last night, one of my friends there, used to be anorexic, she lost her periods etc. and is tiny, and recovering - she really wants boobs! lol, can't blame her, I don't actually want mine to go :/ ... She is so lovely - i'll call her Carol :) ... and well, I am so proud she wants to recover, I think Ana happened for her because her lifestyle just meant she didn't eat alot, and got into that habit, but I didn't know her well enough then, so I can't say for sure... Another one of my friends, who i'll call Charlie, is really tall, like 5ft10 or 5ft11! Model height (lucky bitch!) and is naturally skinny, with a thigh gap. And she eats LOADS. I'm so jealous :(...she was talking about how someone at college had gone up to her and said 'it's ok, I used to be anorexic once, you're beautiful, and it's ok to eat' ... Charlie said she was so annoying a friend of hers locked her in a cupboard xD
I was thinking about the comment though, how some people assume naturally skinny people are anorexics, and yet sometimes turn a blind eye to real Ana's, because they've no clue they even have the disease. I also thought it was disgusting that someone would bring that up - if Charlie had been anorexic, that would have been such a soft topic, especially as her whole class heard the comment. I found it a bit odd too, I feel I will never truly recover, as I don't want to, and I know that nothing could make me want to recover anyway, surely she would know that? Surely she'd know that a simple 'you are beautiful' wouldn't make an anorexic feel better, an 'it's ok to eat' won't actually make her eat... etc. seemed like a very stupid comment to me.
Hahahah my friend was high on weed over the weekend xD - she wasn't with us, doesn't live in our area, she just told me over msn xD... the guy I like does it too haha xD, I am so curious to try it, but you get serious munchies, which i'm scared of. However, if I fought them off, I could lose some good weight :P ... haha just a random thought.
I've just been told I have a flat stomach. Haha. Very funny xD
My stomach growled infront of mum earlier >_<
So i'm sure i'll have to have that soup tonight (250)
Gr. I hate parents sometimes :(
BUT I made it an exception, and am making sure I DON'T feel guilty about it, obviously afterwards i'll feel like a fat cow. But for now, i'm trying to think positive.
I'm so paranoid about my teeth recently, wierd I know. But I get worried that from my awful eating habits, they will rot and drop out. The slightest pain, or bleeding gum (from over brushing) and i'm suddenly positive i'm going to need dentures by this time next week.
Such a horrible thought :(
I wonder if calcium supplements are a good idea?
Anyway, I best be off, i'm talking about allsorts of rubbish now, that I doubt anyone has any interest in... I have had an idea though, I will put all blogs into a Word Document, maybe one day in the future, if I ever recover, these blog entries might make a good book? Who knows xD
Stay strong <3
xox
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