Strength is an impossibility (almost)

With everything,
But food,
And the desire to be thin,
Thinner,
The thinnest.
My strength is slowly,
Evaporating.

I can't cope with this.
I can't.
I can't.
Fuck it.
I can't.

:'(

Hence the short posts,
Shorter,
And shorter.
Well, ok,
They look long.
But do they take long to read?
No.
They are short.
Short posts.

I am thinking in short sentences,
Feeling emotions in short bursts.

Emma is dying,
Emma hates JB,
He's done nothing wrong.
I'm confused.
I text differently when with him,
Apparently.
She gives me grief,
And she knows it.
She hates it.
I hate it.

Really hate it.

My ex.
I still love.
So bad.
And now i'm trying to move on.
She is stopping me,
I'm stuck,
Don't know what to do.

I saw a picture,
Of my ex,
A few minutes ago.
Brought tears to my eyes.
I thought of him,
When with JB.

It seems,
When shit happens.
And it does,
I think of the worst times,
In my life.
My ex,
Becoming an ex.
Was one of those times.

I can't stop,
Can't stop thinking,
Of those memories.

I want out.
Really,
Want out.
But I can't.
I couldn't.
Couldn't do that to Emma.

Or anyone.

Must remember,
Things are worth fighting for.

Thin.
Is.
Worth.
Fighting.
For.

I will get thinner.

JB didn't notice.
At all.
Several lbs down.
And no comment.

What a dumb ass.
No.
Wrong.

I just haven't lost enough.
Well.
Fuck him then.

I'm going to lose more anyway.
Even if it pushes him away.
Or anyone away.
Fuck it.
I don't care.

7lbs from my goal.
I'm not stopping now.

I'm so numb,
Yet.
Exploding with emotion.

I hate this.

Stay strong
xox